She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
