He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
