our cab driver is having phone sex.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
