i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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