dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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