I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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