His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
