I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
