chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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