Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
