If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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