Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
