when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize