Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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