I wish I could punch you in the face.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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