My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize