You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
