Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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