If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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