Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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