dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
NoShamevember. You game?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
