i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
