it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
