dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
