At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
