did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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