So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
