Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
