If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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