is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
