That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My bed smells like the plague
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
