Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
