Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
