PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
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