i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
