Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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