I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
