who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
How does it feel to date your dad?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
