Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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