Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize