I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
