i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
