Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize