doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
