I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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