Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
