hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
