The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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