YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
