Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
