He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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