WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
