I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Two words: blizzard sex
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