I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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