Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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