so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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