The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
