Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
