I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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