his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
