I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I look better un-naked...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
