If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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