My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
