I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
