I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
you inspire me to be a worse person
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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