About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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