shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
