you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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