In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize