Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
