Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He felt like a one man threesome
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
