That's intense
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize