I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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