SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the condom got lost in my hair
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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