? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
