Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
