Christians are straight up FREAKS
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
