Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize