There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Panties = found
Randomize
