Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
