My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
