this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
