Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
